CURIOSITYPeople Have Sued God a Monkey and Their Own Kidneys and Here Is How It Went4 min read

Seventeen Dollars and the Death of Civilization

In 2017, Brandon Vezmar took Crystal Cruz on a date to see Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2. She texted during the movie. Ten times in the first fifteen minutes, by his count. He filed in small claims court for $17.31. The exact price of her ticket.

The petition did not traffic in understatement. Cruz’s behavior was described as “a threat to civilized society.” A $17 grievance framed as a moral emergency. Cruz paid him rather than fight it, which — given what parking costs in Texas — was probably the rational move.

God Gets Served in California

Betty Penrose’s Phoenix home was destroyed by lightning in 1960. Nine years later, she filed suit against God. The delay was not grief. It was a logistics problem. God held no documented assets, so a judgment would have been worthless.

That changed in 1969 when musician Lou Gottlieb transferred his 31.7-acre California ranch to God — making the Almighty, technically, a property owner in the state. Penrose’s lawyer spotted the angle. File in California, and the ranch could theoretically be sold to satisfy a $100,000 judgment for “careless and negligent” weather management. The plan collapsed when Gottlieb’s transfer was ruled legally void. God’s California holdings evaporated. The case went with them.