CURIOSITYThe ’80s Games That Laughed While They Destroyed You6 min read
Thirty Lives and a Prayer
Contra launched in arcades in 1987 and moved to the NES in 1988, bringing with it a run-and-gun intensity that overwhelms on contact. Bill Rizer and Lance Bean wade through alien-infested jungles and fortified bases while the screen fires projectiles from every conceivable angle. The game has a rhythm to it. The rhythm is relentless.
The Konami Code exists partly because of Contra. Entering the sequence at the title screen grants thirty lives instead of three, which sounds generous until the game burns through them at an alarming rate. Two-player co-op softens the experience slightly. Going in alone requires a level of pattern memorization most players simply don’t have on a first run.
Konami Built a Licensed Game to Break You
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arrived on the NES in 1989 under Konami’s Ultra Games label, a publishing workaround designed to sidestep Nintendo’s strict third-party licensing limits. Ultra. The name turned out to be prophetic in the worst way. This is a licensed title based on a beloved cartoon, and it plays like someone made it angry at children.
The underwater bomb-defusing stage in the second level is still infamous decades later. Electric seaweed pulses with crushing regularity, the window for safe movement is razor-thin, and a single mistake sends you back to try again. The four turtles have different strengths and the game demands constant character switching — sophisticated design buried inside something that clearly wants you to quit.
